What are the factor that you need to be considered

Interracial Marriages and Relationships

What do you understand when you hear the word 'interracial'? Most people would immediately think of mixed races - and it is not often than this is not easily accepted. You would wonder why. Why is it that people are indeed differentiated by religion, nationality or race? Are not all people born equal in the eyes of God? Why do the eyes of humans differentiate among each other? Worst - why do they segregate themselves in tight compartments based on their beliefs, geographical location and physical attributes?

Communications vs Miscommunication
Are there more conflicts in an interracial marriage than in any same race marriage? Conflicts - no. Differences - yes. There are many differences in the most basic of behavior which would definitely cast its shadow on the marriage or relationship. Things like eating vegetarian food vs non vegetarian food. In some places like India eating beef is considered a sacrilege - almost n par with eating another human being. In this case, some deep sacrifices and adjustments are required from both the partners.

However, if the basis of the marriage is based on love - all these difference would be worked out without any difficulty because both partners would want the other happy and hence a middle path would be easy to carve.

Benefits Of Interracial Relationships And Marriages

There are plenty of benefits that accrue from an interracial relationship. The first and foremost is that the children of this relationship are likely to be better global citizens than those born from marriages/ relationships of the same race. And this is the need of the day - more thinking we are part of the world, rather than a country or a race.

There is more tolerance towards the diversity of religion because the partners learn to respect the differences and nuances of each religious tradition they follow. Their children would grow with a broad outlook on God and the importance of religion. Again, this is the need of the day. More people have died as a result of religious hatred than all the wars put together. Religious tolerance and sensitivity is sorely needed in today's world.

Do Interracial Relationships Actually Work?
This is a question that could be put for any marriage or relationship; and the answer would be the same. Yes, they do work. Provided both partners work at the marriage hard enough. This is a valid statement for all marriages or live-in relationships. Love between two consenting adults very rarely stops at racial and habit differences.

The success or failure of the interracial marriage/ relationship is not due to the differences of the persons who come together but the amount f love they share. It so happens that in many cases the difference of a race is more attractive and the love is based on the necessity to do something different. Here the attraction is more physical than mental - and such relationships fail because the weak mental connection would not stand a chance when the differences between the habits, traditions and treatment by people at large surface.

All interracial marriages which were based on mental compatibility and love are successful because when two people are in love - nothing else is important but one another's happiness. Some of the failures are credited to the backhanded pressure from the parents of these people. This is because most people need the approval of their families even if they do not openly acknowledge this fact. When this approval is not forthcoming, people usually store it at the back of the mind and thereafter blame any or all difficulties on that non-acceptance.

InSide StORy

It is very simple...I am in one. It is my first.

When I was younger, when most guys of my age marry, I had had several experiences that basically turned me off to women. Not that I was turned on to guys, mind you, I was simply concerned about living day to day.

Later in life, when medical conditions improved and I had 'gotten over' the past, I tried dating. It was difficult, to say the least, because I was one of the very few men 'out there' that had never been married amongst a sea of divorcees and widows. I made my share of mistakes, but I learned. One thing I did know; I knew exactly what I wanted in a mate and, having lived a while, I had learned that race was not a barrier.

One of the ways that I was looking was through some very careful internet dating. I had signed on a service, and I was confident that they would at least find some women that I could relate to, and perhaps, one that might become my wife. To make a long story short, they did, and I did.

Yes, there are difficulties with different cultures, but then again, there are always the differences between the sexes. There are misunderstandings, sure there are. We went though premarital counselling with her pastor; he introduced me to her culture very well. He ended up marrying us.

Now, maybe there are cultures that should not marry just as there are people that should not marry even if they are from the same culture. There are some that can, though, and do. My wife is Chinese; I am Dutch/English. And it works just fine.


By ThinkingGuy
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Believe-In-Interracial-Marriage/382875

My story

My husband Ken and I met at work at an insurance agency in the late 1980s.We were in our early 30s. Initially we were just colleagues and friends, accustomed to just joking around. Every now and then he would ask me to go out and he kept asking for about a year. Each time I would say, "No." Mostly, I just didn’t want to date a colleague. That could get messy.

But he kept asking me out and finally it was New Years Eve and I agreed to go out with him. But then I thought about it and stood him up because I knew that on that night you’re sort of obligated to kiss. I didn’t want to kiss on our first date.

That year, New Years Eve was on a Sunday and we both worked that evening since we didn’t have dates. I went to work still wearing my church clothes. Ken thought I had stood him up for an early evening date with somebody else. So he had an attitude. We straightened things out, though. And he confessed that he had liked me from the first time he saw me. I wore braces back then and he said he liked me because of my braces.

My mom called me at work that night to make sure I arrived safely. Ken happened to answer my telephone. He asked my mother to encourage me to go out with him When I took the phone, my mother said, “Kathy, he sounds like a nice guy. Why don’t you give him a chance?” Did she know he was white? I think she knew. But she didn’t say anything first off. She later told me that when I was a little girl, I was watching her put on makeup and I said, “Mom, what if I marry a white man?” She thought the question was odd at the time. But she said, “That’s all right baby, as long as you love him and he loves you.”

A few weeks later I finally went out with him. It was on a night when there was a blizzard. My mom thought I should cancel. Back then when I went out on dates, I would ask men to pick me up at my mother’s house because I didn’t want anybody to know where I lived until I got to know him. I told my mom that I couldn’t cancel because I had already stood him up once before. So I drove in the blizzard to his house because his car wasn’t working. I was so scared. I turned onto a winding road and nearly drove off into a ditch. I told myself that I couldn’t wait to get to this man. I knew I really liked him. I said as soon as I got there I was going to give him a big hug, and I did.

That was our first of many dates. Soon we started going out consistently and my sister called me. She said, “I hear you’re dating.” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Why didn’t you tell me he was white?” I said, “I wouldn’t have told you if he was black.”

There were evenings when he would cook and then bring food to work for me. I didn’t have a washing machine and dryer where I stayed and he would take my clothes to his home to do my laundry.

Over the course of our relationship, maybe there were a couple of times during which somebody looked at us or said something racist. Something like, “Look at that white man with that black lady.” Ken heard it. I didn’t. My head was always somewhere else.

When he wanted me to meet his friends, I was game. I'd been around many different types of people. He told his friends that he was dating a black girl. Now, there are certain types of black girls. They said, “Is she a black girl who talks white, a poser, a whitey black girl.” He said, “No, she is who she is.” They wanted a heads-up in terms of what to expect. When they met me, they loved me.

Walshbridegroom When I met his family, well, that wasn’t as smooth. I met his parents at his brother’s house at a barbecue. Everybody was there. His mother was surprised. She tried to be cordial. We dated for three years before moving in together. By then his mother was fine with me. In 1989 we went out to visit his parents in Las Vegas. We stayed at their home. He told his father, “Daddy, this is who I’m with and I love her.” After they both realized that it wasn’t a fluke, things were fine.

Sometimes men don’t know when it’s time to get married and you have to tell them. So one day I said, “Ken, we’ve been living together, so what are we going to do next?” He said, “You want to get married?” I said, "Well, yeah." He said, “OK, we’re going to one store, just one, to find a ring.” We got married June 13, 1992. We had our son in December of 1992. Our daughter was born three years later.

When they were young, they would say: "My mom is brown. My dad is pink. And, we are beige." They saw skin color as purely literal. At school, the kids would ask them, “What are you? Are you Mexican?” My son would say, “I’m half African American, 25 percent Irish, 12.5 percent Italian, and 12.5 percent German. But the children would say, “What?” And he would say, “My mom is black and my dad is white.”

Walshfamily People ask if I was concerned about what being in an interracial relationship would mean for our children. I tell them that the only thing I worried about regarding children was not being able to sleep because I couldn’t figure out how to stop the baby from crying.

My husband always says being in an interracial marriage is like any other marriage. But we’ll never know. We have our disagreements, our ups and downs. I do know that as I look back over the 16 years, at the life we’ve carved out for our family, I’m really happy that I drove through the blizzard that night so many years ago.

credit by Kathy and Ken Walsh
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Believe-In-Interracial-Marriage/382875

What are the advantages of intercultural marriage

1.Promotion of stronger family life

It was perceived that an intercultural family physically represents the fundamental fact that we are only one race – the human race. Intercultural families demonstrate the possibility of achieving unity in diversity. They, by their very existence, educate Irish society and reduce the fear of the unknown.
Intercultural families create a more intimate understanding between the two cultures involved, thereby reducing prejudice and nationalism. Prejudice is usually the result of ignorance. Intercultural families promote the reduction of prejudice internally and with friends. Children of intercultural families are often able to influence prejudiced adults in the wider society more effectively than adults.
The partner of the minority culture gets to show the culture at large the best of his/her culture as he/she mixes with his/her partner’s friends and family. To be an “ambassador” for your race through your partner is a great opportunity to reduce prejudice.
Friends are sometimes challenged and awakened by your intercultural marriage, and may lead them to consider such an idea, whereas without your marriage they would not have considered intercultural union. An intercultural marriage demonstrates that the heart is something that cannot be controlled by the norms of society.
The partner belonging to the predominant culture becomes more acutely aware of the norms of that society, where prejudice can be subtle. An intercultural marriage forces the partners to confront their own prejudices

2. Enrichment of the predominant culture

Participants suggested that the intimate interaction of cultures resulting from intercultural families can bring about an enrichment, for example, of the music and literature of both cultures within the family. Differences of habit, ways of approaching and understanding the challenges of life, etc. that were once thought of as differences that might cause division, become seen as opportunities for a beneficial broadening of approach.
The partner of the minority culture is often given the social freedom to be different and behave in ways that are new and enlightening for the dominant culture.
As a family you no longer can blindly follow the rules of either culture. You change or disregard the rules that need not apply, taking the good from each culture.

3.Advantages for children

It was felt that children of intercultural families have the opportunity to become intimately familiar with both cultures, e.g. they might become bilingual. They are also possibly stronger mentally and have stronger constitutions than those of a mono-cultural background. The challenges they face make them stronger.
Children of intercultural families break down prejudices in a natural way with their friends of other backgrounds during the crucial younger years. Children of intercultural families tend to be less prejudiced, as they don’t belong exclusively to any one race. They are “world citizens” who empathise with the entire human race rather than hiding behind a particular racial background and viewing those of other backgrounds with fear. Children of intercultural families tend to transcend cultural or national pride, which can cause problems when taken to the extreme.

4.Promotion of stronger family life

It was perceived that being part of an intercultural family requires choices to be made (as opposed to a traditional approach, where choices are made for you), and this active managing of the family’s future results in better choices being made. Families think “out of the box” by necessity. There is active discussion about the children’s education, religious upbringing, etc.
The challenges of an intercultural family strengthen the family bonds, and the challenges of intercultural marriage can increase the resolve of the partners to make their marriage work.
Their different backgrounds can encourage greater openness and communication between husband and wife, as there are more issues to discuss.

by Mr. Douglas ( Family Forum, 23rd October 2004, National Baha’i Centre)

PoEM of True loVe

True love

The first night i met u,i felt something so deep, it was u on my mind,that made me not sleep.i thought it was wrong,at first but its true,my true love was great,my true love was u, we talked a lot,and hooked up,it was fun,but as soon as it came,it was over and done,u moved on,to someone who didn't care,u 2 didn't last,but my love was still there,i dint want to hurt,or feel anymore pain,but seeing you with her,makes me go insane,now were talking again,and i can finally see,that when i loved u,u didn't love me, i tried to move on, but i wish u new,the best thing that happened to me,was u by Marissaf

CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM

There are several passages and verses in The Holy Qur'an regarding marriage
and family that encourage Muslims to be married, if possible.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and
duties and then he should take care of other half by being
God-minded and aware of his obligations. [1]

Marraige is considered a religious duty in Islam and is enjoined
upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral
safeguard and legal means to develop relationship with the
opposite sex and to extend the family. It is both solemn and
sacred above physical terms. It is not only a contract between
two persons committing themselves to eachother but it is a
contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is
made with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal
success. Celibacy is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or
women.

"The motivating cause of union - matrimonial and carnal -
between the spouses is said to be love. This is a Qur'anic
thesis that affirms the primacy of love as the cause of
marriage, not simple reproduction. Nevertheless, the religious
authorities, almost unanimously, interpret marriage as primarily
reproductive in nature and as a means of perpetuating the
species.

Story of a Beijing Girl's Intermarriage

I would like to tell a different story of my daughter's intermarriage. My daughter grew up in another family but her affection for father was great. she was not fortunate as she experienced the chaotic life in the time of cultural revolution without any chance to receive even senior middle school education. She got married earlier to a man with same level of education. She didn't enjoy a merry family life. She emigrated to the U.S. with broken English in the time of early 1990s. She started to study in a work-study program. She studied English diligently and Computer science in a community college in Pittsburg. Several years later she achieved success in study and obtained a BA degree. Especially to my surprise she was listed on the President's honor roll of the graduates. Meanwhile her life in the U.S. was not easy for she had to work a part-time job as a single mother for earning a living. And she could no longer tolerate the unhappy family life as family violence occurred at times. Eventually she got divorced and moved to Dallas TX and got a job in an IT shop. Her job assigned is to answer customers'questions about computers' obstacles in fluent English. There she met a white American and kept up their acquaintance for a year. Finally they made decision to make a good match and got married recently. I wrote a ci poetry of Song Dynasty with strict tonal patterns and rhymes to wish them a happy family life forever. [source:ebeijing.gov.cn]

Poem

Perhaps love, spring in autumn days
A dim smoke or a feeble haze
An open heart to open arms
Passion lingers with no alarms

Sun arouse with infinite rays
Perhaps love, spring in autumn days
A moon to guide you at nighttime
And I promise, your life will rhyme

Calendars have endless numbers
Lives that are bereft of slumber
Perhaps love, spring in autumn days
Still a confusion with its maze

Butterflies flutter to reach you
Cling to forlorn hopes to renew
Fearless, spread senses to their ways
Perhaps love, spring in autumn days

credit for NEMA