The beauty of multicultural marriage

Every relationship in some way has similarities with the other. Ups and downs are given and all these are attributed on the uniqueness of both the individuals involved. The values, beliefs/religion, family background and culture play key roles in the success or failure of the relationship. The first three factors are present in all and I am one of the lucky women who are given the chance to be in a multi-cultural marriage.

I am a Filipina, who lived all my life in the Philippines, was swept-off by my Prince Charming, an Australian. In the onset of our relationship, I didn't see that growing up in different counties and with differing cultures would bring peculiarities in our married life. We both were not aware of the dominant attitudes of the people in each others country is known for and we don't stereotype. We just acted spontaneously on every occasion and there starts knowing and learning of who we really are.

On the lighter side, being married to each other broadens our knowledge of other cultures. It seems like traveling and living in that country and immersed into the community without actually being there. There's the process of learning a new language funny experiences sprung out when a certain word was used in a wrong context. Add the fact that traveling to a place with a highly qualified tourist guide and for free is most tourists' wish. Don't discount the new tastes your palette is enjoying or sometimes repel and most of all, only women's advantage, having a foreign sounding family name.

Going back to the times when my Husband and I were not together yet, the distance was wearing us down. We missed each other so much that we feel very desperate, unreasonable at times and highly irritating. It caused extraneous phone bills and at other times we are hurting each other.

The language barrier caused strain to our relationship as well. For a woman raised in a non-English speaking country, I always stumble on my use of tenses and conjunctions which sometimes led to misunderstandings. I occasionally used the word not in context and put meaning other than what I really meant. Fortunately, as days go by, this stumbling block is making us laugh. My husband learned to read between the lines or my action and assumes that I always meant good. He would earnestly correct me if I slip-up and I enjoy the process.

The cultural differences have actually made us a better person taught us to be more patient, open-minded, fun-loving, etc. Life had never been dull or a routine. Each day is a new day to look forward to as we know we will learn something novel from each other a continuous learning process, as what life really is, but ours are just catered on a colorful plates.


By Era Petersan

No barrier for us to fall in love

Tips to Make an Interfaith Marriage Work

The main concern or problem in an interfaith relationship is religious conflicts. Here is the list of some of the tips to make an interfaith marriage work.

1. It is always good to speak about your religions to know how religious you both are.

2. If you are in a stage of beginning a relationship, and you think that religion is not at all an issue, then there is no need to discuss about your religions immediately. You can wait for a while to discuss about it. But if you think that religion is an issue, then its good to talk about it right away.

3. Talk about your religious beliefs and faiths with your partner.

4. Make an effort to know your partners religion. Knowing a different religion can be exciting. So try to know you're the traditions and cultures of the religion.

5. Try to celebrate the holidays of both the religions by visiting to the places of worship and following the traditions.

6. Raise your children by making them to know the significance of both your religions. Celebrate the festivals of both the religions at your home and also make sure to take them to the places of worship.

7. Never try to convert your partner's religion or force your beliefs thinking that things may work out.

8. Have respect for each others heritage.

9. Do not force your children to choose the religion.

10. Do not let your family and friends in the middle of your relationship. Whenever a situation arises, try to talk with each other about the differences.

11. Try to understand, accept and respect your religious differences and make sure that you do not ignore them and try to deal with them.

12. Give freedom to your children to choose their religion after they grow.

13. When your family doesn't approve your inter faith relationship, its always good to talk with them and let them know how you care about them. Explain them how important they are and how you respect their feelings.

by Chandana

Tips to make intercultural marriage success

Marriage is a commitment of one imperfect person to another imperfect person.
Each partner is responsible for his or her own happiness, reactions and feelings. Nobody else can make us happy. If we haven't found happiness before marriage, marriage won't provide it. Happiness is a by-product of maturity. For that, each one of us is responsible. Only happy people make happy marriages.

E = Effective communication. Another secret for any successful relationship is knowing how to communicate effectively.

Peter Drucker, renowned management specialist, says that 60 percent of management problems result from faulty communication. According to criminologists, up to 90 percent of all criminals have problems with interpersonal communication. And according to a leading marriage counselor, at least half of all marriage breakdowns are caused by faulty communication.

Effective communication is based on knowing our thoughts, desires, motives and feelings – being honest with them and expressing them creatively. People who deny or suppress their inner feelings and true desires fail to communicate effectively and can never discover true intimacy.

T = Time management. A child whose parents never spend sufficient time with him or her feels unwanted and unloved. It's the same with a marriage partner. Time – in quantity as well as quality – is needed for any wholesome relationship to flourish.

In today's pressurized society it can be quite a challenge for couples to spend quality time together. By quality time we mean giving each other your presence; that is, being emotionally with your partner and communicating at the feeling level. There also needs to be quantity time; that is, sufficient time to meet each other's needs to "keep each other's love cup" topped up. We're not talking about clinging time as that will smother a relationship, but just being there for each other relating spirit to spirit and heart to heart.

S = Spiritual commitment. Research has shown that families who are committed to a strong religious faith have a much greater chance of staying together. It is still true, the family that prays together is much more likely to stay together. Marriage was instituted by God. He has a divine order for it. We can't improve on his plan. We just need to believe in it and practice it.

A good place to start is by finding a church that not only believes in God but also is committed to building healthy personal relationships and successful families.

by Dick Innes

What are the factor that you need to be considered

Interracial Marriages and Relationships

What do you understand when you hear the word 'interracial'? Most people would immediately think of mixed races - and it is not often than this is not easily accepted. You would wonder why. Why is it that people are indeed differentiated by religion, nationality or race? Are not all people born equal in the eyes of God? Why do the eyes of humans differentiate among each other? Worst - why do they segregate themselves in tight compartments based on their beliefs, geographical location and physical attributes?

Communications vs Miscommunication
Are there more conflicts in an interracial marriage than in any same race marriage? Conflicts - no. Differences - yes. There are many differences in the most basic of behavior which would definitely cast its shadow on the marriage or relationship. Things like eating vegetarian food vs non vegetarian food. In some places like India eating beef is considered a sacrilege - almost n par with eating another human being. In this case, some deep sacrifices and adjustments are required from both the partners.

However, if the basis of the marriage is based on love - all these difference would be worked out without any difficulty because both partners would want the other happy and hence a middle path would be easy to carve.

Benefits Of Interracial Relationships And Marriages

There are plenty of benefits that accrue from an interracial relationship. The first and foremost is that the children of this relationship are likely to be better global citizens than those born from marriages/ relationships of the same race. And this is the need of the day - more thinking we are part of the world, rather than a country or a race.

There is more tolerance towards the diversity of religion because the partners learn to respect the differences and nuances of each religious tradition they follow. Their children would grow with a broad outlook on God and the importance of religion. Again, this is the need of the day. More people have died as a result of religious hatred than all the wars put together. Religious tolerance and sensitivity is sorely needed in today's world.

Do Interracial Relationships Actually Work?
This is a question that could be put for any marriage or relationship; and the answer would be the same. Yes, they do work. Provided both partners work at the marriage hard enough. This is a valid statement for all marriages or live-in relationships. Love between two consenting adults very rarely stops at racial and habit differences.

The success or failure of the interracial marriage/ relationship is not due to the differences of the persons who come together but the amount f love they share. It so happens that in many cases the difference of a race is more attractive and the love is based on the necessity to do something different. Here the attraction is more physical than mental - and such relationships fail because the weak mental connection would not stand a chance when the differences between the habits, traditions and treatment by people at large surface.

All interracial marriages which were based on mental compatibility and love are successful because when two people are in love - nothing else is important but one another's happiness. Some of the failures are credited to the backhanded pressure from the parents of these people. This is because most people need the approval of their families even if they do not openly acknowledge this fact. When this approval is not forthcoming, people usually store it at the back of the mind and thereafter blame any or all difficulties on that non-acceptance.

InSide StORy

It is very simple...I am in one. It is my first.

When I was younger, when most guys of my age marry, I had had several experiences that basically turned me off to women. Not that I was turned on to guys, mind you, I was simply concerned about living day to day.

Later in life, when medical conditions improved and I had 'gotten over' the past, I tried dating. It was difficult, to say the least, because I was one of the very few men 'out there' that had never been married amongst a sea of divorcees and widows. I made my share of mistakes, but I learned. One thing I did know; I knew exactly what I wanted in a mate and, having lived a while, I had learned that race was not a barrier.

One of the ways that I was looking was through some very careful internet dating. I had signed on a service, and I was confident that they would at least find some women that I could relate to, and perhaps, one that might become my wife. To make a long story short, they did, and I did.

Yes, there are difficulties with different cultures, but then again, there are always the differences between the sexes. There are misunderstandings, sure there are. We went though premarital counselling with her pastor; he introduced me to her culture very well. He ended up marrying us.

Now, maybe there are cultures that should not marry just as there are people that should not marry even if they are from the same culture. There are some that can, though, and do. My wife is Chinese; I am Dutch/English. And it works just fine.


By ThinkingGuy
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Believe-In-Interracial-Marriage/382875

My story

My husband Ken and I met at work at an insurance agency in the late 1980s.We were in our early 30s. Initially we were just colleagues and friends, accustomed to just joking around. Every now and then he would ask me to go out and he kept asking for about a year. Each time I would say, "No." Mostly, I just didn’t want to date a colleague. That could get messy.

But he kept asking me out and finally it was New Years Eve and I agreed to go out with him. But then I thought about it and stood him up because I knew that on that night you’re sort of obligated to kiss. I didn’t want to kiss on our first date.

That year, New Years Eve was on a Sunday and we both worked that evening since we didn’t have dates. I went to work still wearing my church clothes. Ken thought I had stood him up for an early evening date with somebody else. So he had an attitude. We straightened things out, though. And he confessed that he had liked me from the first time he saw me. I wore braces back then and he said he liked me because of my braces.

My mom called me at work that night to make sure I arrived safely. Ken happened to answer my telephone. He asked my mother to encourage me to go out with him When I took the phone, my mother said, “Kathy, he sounds like a nice guy. Why don’t you give him a chance?” Did she know he was white? I think she knew. But she didn’t say anything first off. She later told me that when I was a little girl, I was watching her put on makeup and I said, “Mom, what if I marry a white man?” She thought the question was odd at the time. But she said, “That’s all right baby, as long as you love him and he loves you.”

A few weeks later I finally went out with him. It was on a night when there was a blizzard. My mom thought I should cancel. Back then when I went out on dates, I would ask men to pick me up at my mother’s house because I didn’t want anybody to know where I lived until I got to know him. I told my mom that I couldn’t cancel because I had already stood him up once before. So I drove in the blizzard to his house because his car wasn’t working. I was so scared. I turned onto a winding road and nearly drove off into a ditch. I told myself that I couldn’t wait to get to this man. I knew I really liked him. I said as soon as I got there I was going to give him a big hug, and I did.

That was our first of many dates. Soon we started going out consistently and my sister called me. She said, “I hear you’re dating.” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Why didn’t you tell me he was white?” I said, “I wouldn’t have told you if he was black.”

There were evenings when he would cook and then bring food to work for me. I didn’t have a washing machine and dryer where I stayed and he would take my clothes to his home to do my laundry.

Over the course of our relationship, maybe there were a couple of times during which somebody looked at us or said something racist. Something like, “Look at that white man with that black lady.” Ken heard it. I didn’t. My head was always somewhere else.

When he wanted me to meet his friends, I was game. I'd been around many different types of people. He told his friends that he was dating a black girl. Now, there are certain types of black girls. They said, “Is she a black girl who talks white, a poser, a whitey black girl.” He said, “No, she is who she is.” They wanted a heads-up in terms of what to expect. When they met me, they loved me.

Walshbridegroom When I met his family, well, that wasn’t as smooth. I met his parents at his brother’s house at a barbecue. Everybody was there. His mother was surprised. She tried to be cordial. We dated for three years before moving in together. By then his mother was fine with me. In 1989 we went out to visit his parents in Las Vegas. We stayed at their home. He told his father, “Daddy, this is who I’m with and I love her.” After they both realized that it wasn’t a fluke, things were fine.

Sometimes men don’t know when it’s time to get married and you have to tell them. So one day I said, “Ken, we’ve been living together, so what are we going to do next?” He said, “You want to get married?” I said, "Well, yeah." He said, “OK, we’re going to one store, just one, to find a ring.” We got married June 13, 1992. We had our son in December of 1992. Our daughter was born three years later.

When they were young, they would say: "My mom is brown. My dad is pink. And, we are beige." They saw skin color as purely literal. At school, the kids would ask them, “What are you? Are you Mexican?” My son would say, “I’m half African American, 25 percent Irish, 12.5 percent Italian, and 12.5 percent German. But the children would say, “What?” And he would say, “My mom is black and my dad is white.”

Walshfamily People ask if I was concerned about what being in an interracial relationship would mean for our children. I tell them that the only thing I worried about regarding children was not being able to sleep because I couldn’t figure out how to stop the baby from crying.

My husband always says being in an interracial marriage is like any other marriage. But we’ll never know. We have our disagreements, our ups and downs. I do know that as I look back over the 16 years, at the life we’ve carved out for our family, I’m really happy that I drove through the blizzard that night so many years ago.

credit by Kathy and Ken Walsh
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Believe-In-Interracial-Marriage/382875